A one-sided love story

After finding out that I made a complete ass of myself, I've come to realize that this is stupid. So after the party I attended on Saturday, a couple of us went to BJs. Why I ordered a drink is beyond me (well, not really, seeing as I felt like shit). Long story short, I got drunk, and apparently made an ass of myself. I think the idea of me being this head over heels for a guy is ridiculous. I think that maybe I needed the other night to realize this is stupid. It's a stupid one-sided love story.

I've spent the last couple of blogs talking about this guy, without really outlining why I might've fallen for this guy to begin with. So as I mentioned in my first blog, I'm married. I've been married for almost 3 years. We've been together for 6 years now. Was it love at first sight? No. Was there ever any love? Well, not really. I love him, and I still do, but I know I was never in love with him. Our relationship started off rocky when after a month he broke up with me. He said that there were people in his family that would probably not accept me because of my race. It was the first time I've ever felt discriminated against. Well, we did get back together but it was awkward for awhile. I constantly had conversations with him asking if we were really compatible. I would always say, that we don't have anything in common, and he would say back, "opposites attract." I think in some sense I was trying to get him to break up with me at that point. But we didn't. It was an up and down relationship as I tried to work out my feelings. A few years ago we had a huge break. In that time he and I happened to get pregnant. Right before we found out, we did get back together, but frankly I wasn't expecting anything permanent. We talked about marriage, and ended up going for it. I don't think either of us were really ready for commitment, he thought it was the right thing to do, and I wanted to get married on 7/7/07 (I know. I know.). Well, it's been almost three years, and today we had the talk. We got into another argument, and we decided that maybe it's best we separate. And if down the road we want to be together then we will be. Right now, I don't know what to take of this. I should feel a sense of relief, but I don't. I feel a sense of failure. I think I need to let this idea just sink in. As for the cranes, I started folding them yesterday. I'm about 40 cranes into the project. I can tell that this might take awhile. But I'm going to try not to give up. I guess I don't need anymore failures on my plate right now.